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About Me: maddamselfly( 220)

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Damselflies ~n~ Honeysuckle

My babies...up to no good... (CALICO CAT missing!!)

What might be more delicate and sweet than the thoughts of dancing and fluttering damselflies in the vines of a wandering honesuckle , who fills the atmosphere with the sensual smell of her vibrant and beautiful flowers? I can think of nothing..

On the Evening of September 15, 2007 my wonderful calico cat, 'Skink'-companion, family member and occasional nuisance, mysteriously disappeared. He did not come in that evening or all night and we have been searching desperately for him and hoping that no one has harmed him as he was a gentle and loving creature who could teach us all a thing or two about patience, love and understanding.

I believe that he was taken from us and I wait everyday watching for his return when the wrongdoing of this action is realized. His absense has left a great void in my heart and in my home.

My babies looking for bugs...

May 16, 2007 1:28 pm Today I realized how fragile I have become. My carefully laid safety net got a hole in it and I fell through and almost hit rock bottom. I realize that the only person in the whole wide world you can truly count on is yourself and when you cannot count on yourself life becomes scary and dismal. All any one wants is to be happy, safe and loved and cared for with a roof over their head to keep them dry, and walls to keep the harsh winds out, Food to keep ones strength up and water to wash away the poisons. I do not particularly like what I have become. I once was strong defiant and independent, now my defiance is tenuous at best as the energy it takes is almost gone. My strength has been taken from me so that when I hold a baby I have to hold it close to me or my arms will give out. Holding a baby close is a wonderful feeling, however babies want to jump and wiggle, so it is difficult to hold them for long. My independence is minimal and hard to accept that it is not what it used to be. I feel the need of family closeness which is not in my immediate reach. I compensate for my deficiencies by breeding my fish and watching the fragile development from egg to adult of the beautiful betta. This is my passion. I do not cull the babies with deficiencies but allow them to live with them and I marvel at the personality and perseverance of the handicapped youngsters. It in turn shows me that you can retain a certain amount of personality and humor even when your trials seem insurmountable. It is ones sense of humor and self worth that will get them through the toughest times and experiences it is the substance that joins all of us with our own disabilities and illness together in a supportive group. It gives us the ability to stand up for ourselves and each other in a productive way rather than a feel sorry for me gripe fest. It makes us into fighters searching for ways to get understanding rather than condescension and pity. Out of the depths of despair I have risen today to try to make sense of my life and where it is heading and how I can control it rather than be controlled by it, get the most out of it rather than just letting it go by so quickly. ~Nancy~

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