An interview with Mini Rex House Rabbit
Marie Elizabeth Bunny
AKA Hip Hop Artist Queen La Dewlap

Q. What is a Bunny Slave?

A. Any human being who is lucky enough to discover his or her true reason for existence, which, of course, is the care and pampering of a House Rabbit.  Being a Bunny Slave is a demanding avocation, and should not be chosen by anyone not prepared to make a lifelong (4-12 year) commitment to a House Rabbit.

Q. What is a House Rabbit?

A. A House Rabbit is a Bunny who lives in a house with a Bunny Slave (hey, everybody knows that...were you born in a barn?).  Living in a house with humans who don't share living space with dogs. cats, snakes (ew-w-w) or other potential predators is the preferred lifestyle for all pet Bunnies.  Bunnies are delicate creatures. We (and I mean that in both the royal and collective sense of the word) are actually considered exotic animals, so much so that we should only receive medical care from a specialized Bunny veterinarian. In fact, the numerous Bunny care and pampering requirements that a Bunny Slave must fulfill to enjoy the privilege of having a FABULOUS Bunny (such as me) live with him or her are so complex, that it is necessary for a potential Bunny Slave to do extensive research prior to inviting a Bunny in to take over the Bunny Slave's home. Comprehensive Bunny care information is available through the House Rabbit Society. I also recommend reading "Bunnies for Dummies," which you can find on eBay.

Bunnies shouldn't live in a hutch out of doors. We can get overheated in the summer, and have a fatal heart attack if we just see a predator. Bet you didn't know that.

Q. Are carrots and lettuce the best diet
for a Bunny Rabbit?

A. Heavens, no!  Delicious organic timothy hay [eBay searches: "rabbit timothy hay" or "Oxbow timothy hay"] is at the top of the Bunny food pyramid, followed by low-in-calcium leafy green vegetables (no iceberg lettuce, p-l-e-a-s-e) that are purchased fresh every other day or so by the Bunny Slave; a fresh carrot or two a day, including juicy carrot tops, of course; and a small amount of TIMOTHY (not alfalfa) pellets. Bunnies should never be given sweets, which are very dangerous for our delicate little Bunny tummies, or any other type of human food, unless you are a human who eats like a rabbit. Preferred Bunny treats are untreated fruitwood, such as apple, sticks.

When you order the timothy hay, be sure to get some papaya tablets with pineapple, not the ones for humans, of course. You need to get the ones specially formulated for Bunnies. We need a couple of these every day so we won't get a hairball. Bunnies can't throw up, so a hairball can be fatal.

Bunnies love to chew, but everybody knows that...that's why all electric cords must be out of reach, which a Bunny Slave will do when he or she completely rearranges his or or her living environment to make it Bunny Proof.

Q. What is the best way to feed timothy hay
to a Bunny Rabbit?

A. In addition to having my cage hay rack filled once or twice a day by a Bunny Slave, I also like a nice pile of timothy hay placed next to me as I lounge comfortably on a soft Persian rug every evening. The maid, AKA Bunny Slave, can always clean up later. Did I mention that a Bunny Slave prerequisite is a good vacuum cleaner? 

Q. Can Bunnies be litter trained?

A. Are you now suggesting that I was born in a barn? Of course, Bunnies can be trained to use a potty box [eBay search: "Hi-Bac Litter Pan"], after the Bunny Slave does his or her homework and researches Bunny litter training! The Bunny Slave should make sure to buy enough potty boxes, one for the Bunny cage and one for each room the Bunny romps in. Our potty boxes (which all Bunnies cherish) require very exclusive, Bunny Safe potty box litter. Pine shavings and clay based litter that is used for cats are big no-nos.  Did I mention that a Bunny Slave must have a good job, supplemented by eBay income?

Q. Should Bunnies be neutered or spayed?

A. Although I tend to disagree, Bunny Slaves insist that House Rabbits must be neutered, to protect female Bunnies from uterine cancer, and to discourage male Bunnies from spraying the furniture in the Bunny Slave's house.  This should only be done by a veterinarian experienced in Bunny neutering and spaying. Such a vet will know that Bunnies require special anesthesia during surgery and pain medication afterwards. Since this will cost the Bunny Slave approximately $200 to $400 per Bunny, it's one more good reason for Bunny Slaves to have supplemental eBay income.

Q. Good grief! Bunnies are expensive!
All this for a $20 rabbit I got through an animal shelter!?!

A. If you wanna play, you gotta pay, I always say.  I forgot to mention that Bunnies also need nice, roomy Bunny cages, with requisite accessories such as hay racks and a nest box for hiding when Bunnies need to get away from it all.  I swear by Marchioro Luna cages for Bunnies.  You can usually find one for under $200 including shipping.  Just do an eBay search and remember to buy the largest one you can find, such as the Luna 102, unless your House Rabbit is a dwarf.

Have I mentioned that selling on eBay is not enough? A good Bunny Slave will have an eBay store in addition to the aforementioned full-time job.

Q. Why would any human in his or her right mind
go to such extremes for a four pound animal?

A. To be surrounded by incredible, ongoing cuteness. You haven't lived till you see a Bunny do a Binky.  We do a lot of Binkies when we are out of our cages for playtime.

Kittens grow up to be cats, puppies grow up to be dogs, but Bunnies are cute forever.

Q. Should I get a Bunny as a pet for my son or daughter?

A. If he or she is old enough to read and understand all of the many Bunny requirements, then go right ahead. But get your little kids a Bunny book or a stuffed Bunny toy.  Bunnies are very delicate little creatures and we can be hurt easily. Plus Bunnies have strong personalities and some will bite or scratch.  Bunnies have needle thin claws on our front paws, thick powerful claws on our hind feet, and razor sharp teeth for chewing. My Bunny Slave affectionately calls them my Bunny Vampire Teeth. I like to bite her on the foot when she's not looking. Bunny Slaves also need to be good natured, not prone to getting upset when a Bunny chomps a little too hard and draws blood. It's just part of being cute. :)

Q. It's four o'clock on Saturday afternoon.
Do you know where your Bunny Slave is?

A. I think she's working. She's always working. I think I'll take another nap. I usually sleep all day. Being cute is a lot of work.